I often get weird looks from people when they hear the phrase, "Single, Never Married" come out of my mouth. I certainly never thought I would be 42 (almost 43) and never married, but here we are. I, like most every other little girl in the world, had her ideal wedding in her head. The groom would look just so and my dress would be white, etc.. As we get older though, the dream often fades with reality. Most days I am completely unfazed by being single. But then there are days where I am not.
I got a Facebook message today from an old roommate who is in her mid-thirties and had never been married. Of all my friends whom I had lived with throughout my twenties and thirties, she and I were the last two to never get married. Almost as soon as I read her message that she was getting married in February I had to two competing thoughts running through my mind.
First, I was ecstatic for her. She has wanted to be married for a very long time. She has been very faithful in trusting that it is all in God's timing and waited for her mate. I am awed by her patience, and her perseverance. Looking back, I can see how God lead her through her singleness and how He provided. Throughout the years she has had several romantic interests, but for some reason or other they always went no where. So congratulations my friend. I am super excited about sharing this day with you!
The second thought that ran through my head was, "What is wrong with me? Why am I still single?" I am truly content in my situation, but there are times when my inner "little girl" takes over and whines about where I am. There are times where I think that God forgot me, and I am doomed to be single forever. I have deleted and re-wrote this paragraph many, many times. I am not sure how I actually feel at this point. When I tell you that I am content being single, I truly am. But there is a spot deep down inside, one that I often deny exists, that does not understand why I am single.
So here is my "rant:"
- I'm not ugly. (Seriously, I'm not!)
- I am a fun person! I love to laugh, cut up and goof off ...
- I love God!
- I love my son, more than the air I breathe I love him!
- I am independent, I am not needy ...
- etc.....
I could go on and on and on ... but I won't. God's promises are true. My being single allows me to focus on His calling, and on my son. I am insistent that I will remain focused on Jesus as my bridegroom as I am certainly his bride. Single, Never Married. That's me.
Some scriptures I cling to when the worry sets in ...
"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." -- 1 Corinthians 7:32-35
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." -- John 15: 1-5
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." -- Matthew 6:33
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